FINALLY!

Met a man. I am Happy :) Once again :) Cant fall for him though. That will be the hard thing. And Im not saying just because I met a man I am happy, its the fact that things are going again, no drama! I love it. No problems, no stress do wat ya want and feel like ur his even though ur not. I feel special :)He told me today, "I can tell that you like me" I asked "how?" him: " by the way you look at me." And that was the end of that. Oh gosh wat to do. lol I love my life!!!!!! And I have pissed off so many people but my best friend is super happy and I am happy. And Justin (my ex) will be happy again too. It will just take him time. He loves me, I love him. But me and him can't go on anymore. And Im ok with that.

Beginning Again

So last night I decided to write a letter to my ex, and it stated that I still loved him and that he was right I was living in the past and that soon I will stop talking to him unless he wants to talk to me and he will be getting a package in the mail with all of the things that are his. I dont want to return them but yet they are not my items to keep. I told him that I fucked up and let my head talk and I lost someone really special to me and that his next girlfriend or wife is a very lucky woman to have such a great guy. And I also thanked him for giving me the second opportunity to be with him, I miss him and love him but I really dont want to hurt him again and that is why I am leaving for good.

GRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So the past three days now I have had dreams and thoughts about my ex boyfriend I lay in bed with another man and all I can see when I close my eyes is Justin (my ex) I feel horrible for doing this but the harder I try to get this out of my head the stronger I can start feeling Justin behind me holding me, and I can feel his breath on my ear whispering "I love you" Like we used to do when we were together just having one of our lazy days. I havent really told anyone this yet, because I feel so bad!! And I know I shouldnt do that but I can seriously feel him wrap his arm around me, its kinda creepy. Ok it really is creepy. I decided to break up with him but yet lately I have felt these things and I want him to be with me, to tell me its ok and that he still loves me. I dont have any of that anymore. And I know my best friend will read this some time soon, but Im going to say it anyways I feel like I am loosing her. our lives are going in different directions, not to mention her bf and me are at eachothers throats at the moment and that fight probably wont end. He told me last night to start pulling, cuz he said I was going to loose her. I told him I am the best friend and I wont pull because she will make her own decisions. I know what I want her to do but I wont say it because what consitutes my opinion to be right. I love the kid, and she will be around no matter what =D But back on the Justin subject..... I texted him last night to tell me he loved me, which he did not... to tell you the truth I balled my eyes out. And thats how I fell asleep last night. I am lost on what I want these days, though I thought I knew what I wanted... but maybe doing the things I am doing/did is going to help me make the decision I need to make.