Confusion

I wonder why a lot, I question my existance now days, I was never like that before, never had thoughts this odd, scary, emotional. I am lost for words when I try to figure things out in my head. Because, everytime I try to think about how to fix it, that one question pops into my head. I am scared, I feel alone, I want to curl into a hole or just start running and never stop. And when I feel alone or sad I don't want anyone to talk to me, text me, email me, I don't want any sort of communication. And then when someone does talk to me, I pretend to be happy.... to make them think I know whats going through my head, and that I'm on the right track. I'm not sure if I am having depression spells or not, but somedays... just somedays.... I don't even care anymore. I decided to start blogging to make my life better, but everytime I get on I have something wrong. Other than earlier today I thought it was going to be alright, but sadly things don't ever go the way we would plan them to go. Is this the path that I'm supposed to be going down? Because, if so I want to make a detour soon, because right now, I hate what Im experiencing. And whoever is reading this I'm sorry if I make you mad... knowing another persons life is way worse off than mine, but I just need someone to know, cuz if not I will explode. And I don't want to do something stupid.